I need a Valentine. Or a martini.

Valentine’s Day is approaching and being a Romantic Comedy writer creates certain expectations.  Specifically, one is expected to be romantic and comedic. Now, the comedic part I have down. Just by virtue of the fact that I have no physical coordination, I’m a veritable walking one-liner. Throw in the fact that I’m socially awkward, and you’ve got plenty of laugh-out-loud moments.  Romantic moments, though, not so much.  Romance has always been my achilles heel.  I’m just not very good at it.

I have made some progress over the years. When I was in my twenties, for example, many guys told me that I was “adorable.” My response was usually, “Bunny rabbits are adorable.” Followed by “Bunny rabbits don’t attend Ivy League universities.” Then I went through a few “Junoesque” years. (I ate my emotions until I got fat enough to float down 5th Ave. on Thanksgiving). Suddenly, being called “adorable” didn’t seem so bad.  But after some time in a torture chamber (gym) with Torquemada (a personal trainer) I recovered my girlish figure. Now, when someone tells me I’m “adorable,” I say “thank you.” I think that’s progress.

Despite being somewhat kinder and gentler to gentlemen attempting to compliment me, however, I’m still not good at romance. And it worries me, because now I’m re-entering the dating scene, and I’m several years older.  Will people still be willing to overlook my lack of romantic prowess? Let’s face it, when a man writes me poetry, I edit it.  When a man gives me flowers, I note how illogical it is to give someone a gift that will be dead in a few days.  (Seriously, it’s like giving someone one of those goldfish you win at the fair).  When a man takes me out to dinner, I discuss how pollution has made virtually every food available to humans toxic. Will guys continue to overlook how odd I am now that my boobs are much less perky?

Okay, I’m pretty sure I had a point when I started this, although I’m not really clear what it was. I think it had something to do with Valentine’s Day though. Or alcohol. In conclusion, always practice safe sex and remember to vote.  Drive safely and have a good night.

One thought on “I need a Valentine. Or a martini.

  1. newcanuck52 says:

    Nadine, have you ever read Kathy Reich’s books or seen the Fox TV series, Bones??? You are so classically the heroine in that show and her books when it comes to social niceties and flirting with men!!! I loved read this!!!!
    Now go have a drink!

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