The Killer Whale Is My Spirit Animal

I used to think that if I had a spirit animal it would be the Giant Sloth but I read an article the other day that changed my mind. According to Smithsonian magazine, after menopause, female killer whales become leaders. I knew they were smart! I sobbed during Blackfish and I was already totally boycotting Sea World, but this seals it. No pun intended.

According to the article, “The researchers saw that post-reproductive females would swim at the heads of hunting groups with young male whales in close pursuit. They were almost always the matriarch’s sons.” Did you hear that? They get to be the boss and their sons stay close to them. That’s a Jewish mother’s dream come true! Give me moment; I’m getting verklempt.

Okay, I’m back.  So, here’s my question, why is it that if whales can figure that older women have plenty of strength and wisdom to offer, people can’t figure that out too? Whales have their older females leading the whole damned pod. I can’t get someone to take my order at Starbucks. I’m telling you right now, there is no way that a whale would make a big deal out of some lost emails. If Hillary were a whale, she would not have to put up with being called “as bad as” a giant Oompa Loompa who brags about grabbing women’s genitals without asking first.

So, to sum up, whales are intellectually superior creatures who love their mothers and vote Democrat in November.


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